The Lone Vagina Takes On Kid Stand-Up.

Wishing a pox on your first-born would be way too forgiving, and simply confirming that you’re a douchebag wouldn’t have nearly enough pizzazz. So.

I pray that you explode with an acute case of full-blown syphilis – not contracted, not passed down through your mother, but an immaculately conceived instance of syphilis - so wretchedly bad that it splits your penis in two; so that next time you're screwing a crack-whore, said bifurcated dick has been rendered so unmanageable that it flings your tainted jizz into your own fucking eye, which immediately makes a bee-line for your frontal lobe, swiftly devolving the insides of your head into a substance not unlike Stouffer’s mac and cheese, ultimately landing you in a poorly administered, horrendously non-compliant, Monsanto-funded looney-bin where your schizophrenic ass bounces around in a straitjacket, spewing embarrassingly unfiltered, nonsensical shit until some big, lugging Lenny type does us all a favor by accidentally crushing your skull with a windowsill.

Never piss off a woman armed with a bottle of single malt and synapses full of vocabulary just waiting for even half a reason to fire.