Monday.

I'm missing an episode of my favorite TV show as I type this
Although I don't have access to public television
Or even to cable
I thought there was a vast government conspiracy behind the converter boxes
And for once I was going to take a stand
I'm missing an episode of my favorite TV show as I type this
Instead I just wait for some geekfuck to post it online for free
I sit around like a predator for cbs monday nights
I am a fucking rockstar

I got a new showerhead installed in my bathroom
It has quite a lengthy hose
Which made it all the more easier to get off on
And sometimes I think of you
Or him
I guess
Anyway detachable shower heads are wonderful
For those on a budget or a time-sensitive schedule
a few clicks to setting 6 and
I end up quite fine

Sometimes I lie down in the tub
But sometimes one doesn't want to deal with the inevitable suction that occurs
Between the bathtub
And your back
It fucking stings – and then you're lying like a dumbass in your bathtub
Wondering if you have a back hickey
And what would you say to your friends
Hey I was just jacking off in the shower
Hence this fucking back hickey
Somehow they would all be okay with it
But then again why would they be seeing it?

Sometimes you have to work your right foot to adjust the temperature
Your right foot is used to adjusting the temperature
I guess it has something to do with Monday
Or just being alone in general

No Subject.

I am trying to write a poem about you
Even though we don’t speak anymore
And I really haven’t thought about you lately
That clearly is a lie

I was depressed
And watching Wes Anderson dvds for the fifteenth time
My friend called and asked me to come meet her and her boyfriend for pupusas
I like pupusas
So I went

It was the first time I met your boyfriend
He reminded me a little bit of this one guy I used to screw
Of course I didn’t say that
He seemed nice enough
A writer I think you said
I sat across from the two of you in the booth
And you seemed happy
Because you laughed at his jokes
I laughed
Not because the jokes were particularly funny
But because you were buying lunch

You asked me what I’ve been up to
I said watching Wes Anderson movies
Your boyfriend asked which one
And I replied The Life Aquatic
And you both looked at each other and sighed
And told me this movie was orientalist
I could do so much better
I stopped laughing
And the pupusas were cold

I live alone and am not seeing anyone really
Every once in a while I end up fucking someone
These days it’s a lot better than it used to be
I used to want to hang out with that person afterwards
Cuddle and shit
Nowadays I have no problem leaving
Or not knowing when you will call

I started thinking about you again
We haven’t spoken since February
Our connection was not particularly deep
Thinking about you
For no particular reason
Except that it’s possible I might be lonely
Which is why I guess it was easy
I’d always knew I could depend on you
To be completely unreliable

This is a funny poem
And if you read it you would think it was about you
But it isn’t
And you wouldn’t know that
Because you never knew about the other person
The person I chose to replace you
While we were still together
We might as well not have been
But this other guy was interested
I was flattered so we ran around a bit
He ended up being a complete dick though
So at least the two of you have something in common

I am trying to write a poem about you
I snorted about a gram of coke last night
I should really be focused on other things
And I haven’t actually slept since Friday morning

I don’t write poems about anything anymore
I told myself that shit was for pussies
And I washed my hands of that entire scene
I said I was going to get serious
Once I started my blog